Originally posted June 10, final results were announced today. See the note at the end of the post for an update.
I will simply restate what I have said many times: I have never taken performance enhancing drugs.Lance Armstrong
Can this be true? Has the team calling itself C517 Group A really captured the team title in RRC’s 2021 Commuter Challenge? It was announced today that its members claim to have ridden an average of 555.6 km each during the seven-day event!
By way of comparison, the extremely fit members of the official HG team, The Cyclopaths, only hit 202.8 km each.
“We’d have managed higher”, quipped Cyclopath Wayne Ferguson, “but I only realized on day-4 that I had been riding with my rear brake on”.
Even the second place team, Loftus Yellow Kayakius, couldn’t squeeze more than 255.0 km out of its co-riders.
So how did the so-called winners manage to more than double the distance of any other team in the Challenge? Well, one Cyclopath revealed to me that room C517 (in RRC’s Building C) is crawling with clinical nursing instructors. And, he pointed out, doped up and disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong’s “Angel” (according to Armstrong’s 2001 autobiography) happened to be a clinical nurse. Coincidence?
To be fair, I don’t really know if there were any nurses on the C517 Group A team. But even if not, they clearly cannot deny their association with known nurse practitioners. And at the risk of painting the Cyclopaths as sore losers (though a couple of them did whisper that their nether regions were a bit tender by the end of the week), I think it’s time for full disclosure—and perhaps urine tests.
As one Cyclopath put it, aptly quoting Yogi Berra, “You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.”
June 20, 2021 – UPDATE
The Cylcopaths were grudging a little less following today’s announcement that they had actually won in the Most Tireless Team category, hitting the highest average active KMs per team member. Their 201.9 km per team member was almost double that of the second place team, the Wildwood Park Commuters, who logged 103.0 each. Active KMs, you ask? Those logged as walking or cycling are examples of active, whereas KMs by those wimping out by bus would be categorized as passive.