Don’t say “Good morning” in BC

As reported in  this morning’s Vancouver Post

April Fool's photo of Vancouver Post front pageGuy Dugas, 66, was arrested yesterday by Vancouver police for having allegedly assaulted a West End female resident over a period of months. The accused initially resisted arrest, police said, but was eventually safely taken into custody.

The complainant, whose name is protected by a publication ban, alleges that Dugas repeatedly accosted her verbally in the elevators of a Yaletown building in which both have a condo, he on the 16th floor, she on the 29th.

Crown Counsel Avril LaSotte confirmed that the accused is indeed alleged to have, on multiple occasions between January 12th and March 19th, directed a variety of “inappropriately cheerful” remarks toward the victim. Dugas allegedly persisted in gleefully greeting his accuser almost every morning with a “good morning”, “nice day”, or “howdy”, even after 45 straight days of rain and being completely ignored.

When asked if such a prosecution might be viewed as frivolously clogging up an already overburdened BC court system, LaSotte replied, “You have to understand that, in Canada, a person commits an assault when he or she intentionally causes another person to feel, on reasonable grounds, threatened. We have no choice but to prosecute when a credible threat is brought forward.”

The clearly shaken victim added, “I mean, like, really? Any whacko who’s that cheery after the kind of winter we’ve had makes me real nervous. Like, a screw loose or what?”

When asked if she knew that the accused was from Manitoba and that perhaps Dugas preferred the rain to last month’s minus 80 (with wind-chill) in Winnipeg, she responded, “Manitoba? Really? That makes it even worse. Have you seen their license plates? Friendly Manitoba! Like, what, everybody else is hostile? Look in the mirror buddy!”

For his part, the retired senior has since been remanded on bail and seems completely unrepentant and unfazed.

“My lawyer tells me the BC courts are so backed up that I won’t be in court before 2038. Heck, I’ll be 86 by then!”

“Have a great day!” and over a puddle he hopped, skipping down Robson toward home. Yes, in the rain, without an umbrella…

Categories: All, The lighter side

6 replies »

  1. This story, while dated (hint), will certainly separate readers into ‘wheat vs. chaff’ comprehension categories. Were they still with us, Eddie Sprunt and Alice Poyser would not be amused. Well Eddie wouldn’t.

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